recovery

looking back on the last three weeks, i can't help but feel a little silly. i hit a low. but not low like depressed. i was not depressed. it was more a low point in terms of functioning. i gave in to anxiety, which is a beast i thought i had conquered (ask me about my tattoo).

it used to be the single most debilitating struggle of my life, keeping me from social functions, normal daily life responsibilities, and in a perpetual state of nausea. it dominated my life for more than four years. and then i quit anxiety, cold turkey. one day i decided it wasn't worth it - i decided to take a risk.

since then, i have been really good. on a scale of 1-10, my anxiety level is normally a 1-2, and peaks at a 3 when i have a paper or test at school. i manage my stress incredibly well. i am incredibly sensitive to a rise in my anxiety level, and usually am pretty good about adjusting to keep it low.

so something happened in the last three weeks that put me back up at an 8 or so. i found myself on the verge of tears at the drop of a hat and getting cranky with the people around me. the strangest thing was that nothing going on was particularly beyond my capability to handle. i have encountered much more stressful situations and been fine. i have been thinking about it for the last few days that things have gotten back to normal, and i think i just hit a perfect storm of schoolwork, new jobs, and pms that made for a disaster waiting to happen.

i am not sure what i could have done to avoid this. and maybe that's okay. maybe it doesn't have to be about something within my abilities. maybe it is just something that happened, and i can take a deep breath and keep walking.